By the middle of the piece, a sense of long-ignored exhaustion begins to surface. That state of clearly knowing what is happening, yet repeatedly convincing oneself that “it’s fine” or “it’s my fault,” feels painfully real.
The way the text unpacks the idea of being “good” is especially thoughtful - not as a rejection of kindness, but as an observation of how kindness can turn into a role, a responsibility, or even a transaction, slowly dissolving personal boundaries.
The closing reflection on being heard rather than merely seen stands out the most. It isn’t emotional or performative, but quietly precise: real connection comes from understanding, not from being defined.🙂
I'm literally sitting in my bath tub crying 😭 This was so beautiful. I passed so many restackable phrases so must go back. This was such a beautiful beautiful post and I am thankful to be included. You do now know how much this means to me. Ok let me go restack you through my tears!!!!
You're such a sweetheart, your comment gave me a huge smile. It means a great deal to me too and I feel blessed to be sharing this with you. You deserved it and I'm grateful for the way you offered your presence; human, unfiltered and raw. I'm excited to share your post tomorrow.
🫶😍 Thank you. Really do appreciate you so much for being here and everything you create is magic. Keep going keep going keep going. Think of me as your crazy loud aunt rooting you on from the stands.
This really landed for me especially the difference between being seen and being heard. I know that place of making yourself “good” to survive, and how much it costs to come back to your own voice. This feels like someone finally choosing themselves without needing permission.✨
Thank you so much for engaging with such presence. It means a lot to me to know that it landed. Reading your comment reminded me of some stuff we spoke about on your podcast which gave me another reason to cherish this passing year. I'm grateful for the resonance. I appreciate you more than I could express.
Same my friend seems we are both walking into 2026 with a clearer understanding of who we will never be again and who we are unapologetically happy we have became 🫶🏼✨
You always warm my heart with your comments and replies. I’m so glad I met you, Jason. Your presence here truly matters to me. You are one of my origins on this platform, and I feel the same for you, truly. Opening Substack is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself, and meeting people like you is exactly why.🤍
“Being seen was never the point. The point was about being heard.”
That line stayed with me. Being seen often asks us to perform coherence, while being heard allows us to remain unfinished. Your essay traces that cost beautifully, the quiet erosion that happens when goodness becomes compliance instead of truth.
Thank you for building a space that values listening over labeling. It shows in the way this piece holds its readers. 💚
This reads like someone finally telling the truth about how self abandonment can disguise itself as strength. The honesty in naming guilt, silence, and survival really lands.
When did you first realize that being seen was starting to cost you pieces of yourself?
Thank you so much for engaging with my piece so thoughtfully. Your comment genuinely made my day.
I think I am only just realising this about myself. I reflect a lot on my own thinking patterns, and for most of my life I believed what I wanted was to be seen. But the truth is, I already was seen. It just did not translate into feeling understood. That is where the difference lives.
Perception changes everything. Even when someone sees you, their perception of you can shift your reality. Being visible is not the same as being understood. One acknowledges your presence. The other recognises your inner world.
Since moving to London, I have been spending a lot of time with myself and that gave me the space to observe my thoughts instead of escaping them I think that’s where the shift started to happen.
Totally agree being heard felt like being inclusive... You've always presented raw thoughts so gracefully.. strong voice you hold is seen in your writing as well. I hope your words reach broadly to everyone who need them at times...May your glory keep going on in upcoming year.
You are such a thoughtful and kind person. Your words made me feel tears in my eyes. Thank you so much for recognising my work from such a powerful frame. May we keep building on this heartfelt connection in the upcoming year. 🫶
It has been the greatest pleasure to meet you through your writing. Your creativity shines bright and I enjoy every single word and thought you offer to follow. On top this crazy visuals and soundtrack. You’re amazing in many ways. Keep on sharing your light ✨
Zoe, you are such a thoughtful and kind person and it has been such a joy to be connecting with you. I can’t say how much I appreciate your presence and truthfully your comment brought tears. Thank you so much for your kind words. You gave me the world through them. 🫶
This is incredibly moving, imi. There’s such honesty in the way you trace the difference between being seen and being heard, and how quietly costly that confusion can be.
I really felt the courage it takes to step out of “goodness as survival” and into a self that simply gets to be.
And not least, congratulations Fiona. Well done for such a heartfelt award!
Thank you so much for recognising my piece so thoughtfully, and seeing my presence behind my words. It means a lot to know it landed that way and I’m grateful for the way you offered your presence. It really did ask for courage to step out of that “goodness” state and I found it when I started writing here, thanks to you. Each and every one of you. Thank you so much for being here 🤍
By the middle of the piece, a sense of long-ignored exhaustion begins to surface. That state of clearly knowing what is happening, yet repeatedly convincing oneself that “it’s fine” or “it’s my fault,” feels painfully real.
The way the text unpacks the idea of being “good” is especially thoughtful - not as a rejection of kindness, but as an observation of how kindness can turn into a role, a responsibility, or even a transaction, slowly dissolving personal boundaries.
The closing reflection on being heard rather than merely seen stands out the most. It isn’t emotional or performative, but quietly precise: real connection comes from understanding, not from being defined.🙂
I'm literally sitting in my bath tub crying 😭 This was so beautiful. I passed so many restackable phrases so must go back. This was such a beautiful beautiful post and I am thankful to be included. You do now know how much this means to me. Ok let me go restack you through my tears!!!!
You're such a sweetheart, your comment gave me a huge smile. It means a great deal to me too and I feel blessed to be sharing this with you. You deserved it and I'm grateful for the way you offered your presence; human, unfiltered and raw. I'm excited to share your post tomorrow.
🫶😍 Thank you. Really do appreciate you so much for being here and everything you create is magic. Keep going keep going keep going. Think of me as your crazy loud aunt rooting you on from the stands.
This really landed for me especially the difference between being seen and being heard. I know that place of making yourself “good” to survive, and how much it costs to come back to your own voice. This feels like someone finally choosing themselves without needing permission.✨
Thank you so much for engaging with such presence. It means a lot to me to know that it landed. Reading your comment reminded me of some stuff we spoke about on your podcast which gave me another reason to cherish this passing year. I'm grateful for the resonance. I appreciate you more than I could express.
Same my friend seems we are both walking into 2026 with a clearer understanding of who we will never be again and who we are unapologetically happy we have became 🫶🏼✨
Exactly! I love how you put it, so inspirational. Thanks for being here 🤍🤍
I agree! 💗💗💗
Proud of you Imi,you are strong and you are an inspiration of many people ❤️🫶🕊️
Thank you so much my beautiful friend. It means a lot coming from you and I couldn’t appreciate it more. ❤️
What you give yourself is what you get. Everyone else will get plenty from you as long as you get yourself. That's what I took from your piece.
Thank you for reflecting for sharing your reflection Darbs. I always love to see how my words echo in you.
One of the best things I did for myself this year was starting my Substack page.
And one of the best things I discovered when I did was people like you.
You always warm my heart with your comments and replies. I’m so glad I met you, Jason. Your presence here truly matters to me. You are one of my origins on this platform, and I feel the same for you, truly. Opening Substack is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself, and meeting people like you is exactly why.🤍
“Being seen was never the point. The point was about being heard.”
That line stayed with me. Being seen often asks us to perform coherence, while being heard allows us to remain unfinished. Your essay traces that cost beautifully, the quiet erosion that happens when goodness becomes compliance instead of truth.
Thank you for building a space that values listening over labeling. It shows in the way this piece holds its readers. 💚
Really sweet closure to the year. I’ve seen a lot since I’ve been here, & this style of approach evokes a sense of “home” 🏡💛
That’s such a heartfelt comment thank you so much for engaging so thoughtfully. It’s a blessing to know my writing felt like home to you.
Subby wasn’t wrong to suggest you initially 😄
Special thanks to good old Subby for landing me such a thoughtful reader, talented writer and a friend 🫶🏻
This reads like someone finally telling the truth about how self abandonment can disguise itself as strength. The honesty in naming guilt, silence, and survival really lands.
When did you first realize that being seen was starting to cost you pieces of yourself?
Thank you so much for engaging with my piece so thoughtfully. Your comment genuinely made my day.
I think I am only just realising this about myself. I reflect a lot on my own thinking patterns, and for most of my life I believed what I wanted was to be seen. But the truth is, I already was seen. It just did not translate into feeling understood. That is where the difference lives.
Perception changes everything. Even when someone sees you, their perception of you can shift your reality. Being visible is not the same as being understood. One acknowledges your presence. The other recognises your inner world.
Since moving to London, I have been spending a lot of time with myself and that gave me the space to observe my thoughts instead of escaping them I think that’s where the shift started to happen.
This is so true. Being seen isn’t the same as being understood
So beautiful! 🤍 And YES to Fiona!!
Thank you so much! 🤍
I feel this imi 🫶🧘🏻🙏🏼✨🌖
I’m so glad you do! Thanks for being here Kregg. I couldn’t be more grateful for our paths to be crossed. 🫶
🫶
Totally agree being heard felt like being inclusive... You've always presented raw thoughts so gracefully.. strong voice you hold is seen in your writing as well. I hope your words reach broadly to everyone who need them at times...May your glory keep going on in upcoming year.
You are such a thoughtful and kind person. Your words made me feel tears in my eyes. Thank you so much for recognising my work from such a powerful frame. May we keep building on this heartfelt connection in the upcoming year. 🫶
You have definitely found your voice, imi!!! And we are all grateful for your words. Congratulations to Fiona!!
You are such a sweetheart. Thank you so much for engaging with my work so thoughtfully, each of them. Your presence here is greatly appreciated. 🫶
It has been the greatest pleasure to meet you through your writing. Your creativity shines bright and I enjoy every single word and thought you offer to follow. On top this crazy visuals and soundtrack. You’re amazing in many ways. Keep on sharing your light ✨
Zoe, you are such a thoughtful and kind person and it has been such a joy to be connecting with you. I can’t say how much I appreciate your presence and truthfully your comment brought tears. Thank you so much for your kind words. You gave me the world through them. 🫶
This is incredibly moving, imi. There’s such honesty in the way you trace the difference between being seen and being heard, and how quietly costly that confusion can be.
I really felt the courage it takes to step out of “goodness as survival” and into a self that simply gets to be.
And not least, congratulations Fiona. Well done for such a heartfelt award!
Thank you so much for recognising my piece so thoughtfully, and seeing my presence behind my words. It means a lot to know it landed that way and I’m grateful for the way you offered your presence. It really did ask for courage to step out of that “goodness” state and I found it when I started writing here, thanks to you. Each and every one of you. Thank you so much for being here 🤍
This really landed for me. Thank you for sharing this journey so openly
I’m so glad it did! Thank you so much🫶🏻